I never would have imagined that I would be a single, divorced parent raising two virgins. All this brokenness and heart-ache I had to forfeit in horror and desperation of hopes that our future will one day be mighty people, ready at any moment to make a difference, and willing to keep the peace alive. I found love when I saw the change that was forced out of me by these two. There is a beauty that we are born with, a pearl, that this unfair life will fade if we aren't aware of truth; truth about ourselves, life, God, etc.
When I realized what the hell had just happened I got angry (not a pleasant way to live) and I felt it, I responded in it- it had more of me than I did, and I knew what was before me and that I couldn't go on living this way. I chose to forgive. I forgave myself and all the hurt and pain I went through an caused other people, but the hardest part was letting it go. So by faith I kept speaking it aloud, my unhealed words floating in the universe until it got easier and especially easier because I was no longer married;) and before I could think, I felt forgiven.
These words are in my use of every day language. This is the secret to my happiness. I am no longer a victim of hurt, used as bait for any offense to snare me like a giant mouse trap. Offenses happen as soon as we are in touch with our feelings (that's young!), it's childish. I got over any childish feelings of inadequacy real fast. When that root of anger has been chopped at you don't see a worthless soul, it does not exist anymore; life is wonderful and I've been given a second chance. It makes sense to me that suicidal feelings are our old nature screaming to die, certainly not a drive to kill ourselves. Amazing what forgiveness will bring. You've probably been in pain for years now and if you don't let it go then you will be going around the same mountain next year. A new year is ahead, new beginnings, new ideas, a new life!
No comments:
Post a Comment